T-minus 7 days to survival of Semester 1!

Well, I'm still here. In 7 days I will be done with my first semester of PT school and it has been really wild. I still haven't decided where I want to go for my 1st clinical, and I really need to take advantage of being in the first spot for choosing... I don't really want to think that far in advance, honestly. I'm too busy worrying about my anatomy and physiology finals. I am doing well in both courses, but I am at a borderline A and so one slip up could potentially have me failing either. Although I have my struggles about being in school, I would prefer it to be my decision to quit, not that I failed a course and was unable to continue.

A question I find myself asking a lot is, how do you figure out if something/anything is "worth it"?

Sometimes when I get A's on my tests it doesn't even feel good. Only because I know how much farther I have to go in this journey to even get through school, and because usually it's immediately time to start preparing for the next batch of tests. But, it hit me for a second the other day... I got a 95% in my clinical skills class... That means that I know 95% of what I was supposed to know... That's huge. Why am I acting like it's not? I think that I get so overwhelmed with everything going on around me, that I don't even realize how far I've come in just this short amount of time.

In fact, I know for certain that I passed two of my four classes (clinical skills) and my principles of practice course, because the finals were this week, in what I like to call "Hell Week #2" Remember Hell Week the first time? Yeah, not fun.

However, this time I only cried twice, instead of every day, and I didn't have a complete mental breakdown leading to a horrible anatomy lab practical grade. So, I've improved.

I took yesterday off after my last test and came home and stayed in bed all day, and slept in today and did some Christmas shopping. Now I feel like I'm ready to do this and get it over with.

My anatomy final is cumulative, so it's going to be hard and I need to try to remember everything I've learned along the way, and that's a lot... Physiology is all about digestion which is not my favorite thing to study, so I've got to gear up and get in it.

Hopefully, soon, I'll be celebrating that I passed all my courses and can move onto semester #2.

I dream about anatomy...

Yeah, I'm definitely immersed in my courses. Two nights ago I spent the entire night dreaming about vastus lateralis, vastus medialis, and vastus intermedius.... Followed by a rousing night in dream land on nerves!

Right now, I'm just trying to keep my head above water... Hoping that I'll click with some classmates soon, that it will all click within my head, that I'll remember why I started this long journey in the first place.

But, right now I've got to take it one day at a time. I tried to stay after class today to study, but I just feel like I'm not getting anything out of it. I came home and spent 40 minutes and got a lot further than I did in almost 2 hours with my classmates. I don't want to give up on group study sessions because there are lots of things I do want to talk over and practice with others, but I feel like I need to get my base built, I need to see what it is that I know before I combine it with other people.

Tonight I get to attend an APTA meeting, and although I'd really like to stay home and study (since I'm in the groove and J* won't be home all night) I need to go and get this marked off my to-do list. Plus, it is about tai chi and I'm really interested in seeing what they have to say. I'm sure I'll write a blog post about it when I have a moment either later tonight or tomorrow, if it's worth sharing. ;)

Anyway, I am just trying to maul through all the personal struggles I'm having while trying to pretend like everything is absolutely fine on the inside . I'm worried that if I don't "shape up" soon that lots of things are going to happen- namely I won't do well on my tests, and I'm concerned about how long J* can be supportive without just telling me to get over everything.

Well, I need to get my shoes on and get ready to leave to go to this ATPA meeting, so until next time!

I Did It: Week One

Well... As I'm sitting on my couch, watching a special on UFO's (trying not to think about the anatomy and physiology I should be studying) I can say I'm officially finished with my first week of DPT school.

It's definitely interesting... in lots of ways. The content is interesting, the way my classmates are all starting to interact is interesting and my mental/emotional state is definitely "interesting". Most mornings start off with me feeling extremely enthusiastic and ready to learn and end with me either almost in tears/wanting to be in tears, anxiety-ridden and thinking, "What the hell am I doing?"

All of my classmates are really nice, and I'm starting to form relationships with most of them and so having people to relate with will be good to lean on when the going gets tough. I'm sure that I'll stick with this, I just want all the fear and anxiety to disappear so that I can remember why exactly I wanted to do this, since I feel like I made the decision years and years ago. (Ok, it was just 2 years ago, but whatever!)

So... what did I learn in my first week?

• Some people have never seen a cadaver before DPT school
• DPT Orientation is very long and is full of the 700 ways you can fail out of the program
• Some of my classmates appear to be light-years ahead of me
• But, when I talk to them, they feel the same way as I do
• I probably should have studied anatomy over the summer even though everyone told me not to worry about it
• I need to learn how to get over my dislike of physiology so that I can do well in the course
• Anatomy is already kicking my ass

So, one week down... only 14 more in the semester! ;)